Friday, July 7, 2017

Thoughts on Motherhood

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Filed under For Parents

I love my kid. He’s funny and smart and likes to tell me he’s my best boy and I’m his best mommy. He also uses me as a jungle gym, a punching bag, and sometimes sticks to me like glue. Motherhood is hard. I rarely get a minute to think for myself, do what I want to do, or go wherever I want whenever I want. Let’s not even talk about napping….

Recently, I’ve been struggling with feeling like I hate being a mommy. I don’t think that’s actually true, but I have felt that way lately. Part of it is being home all summer with him and having to come up with things to do. My kid seems to be an extrovert and I am definitely an introvert. He is constantly looking for new friends to play with, while I am wishing for some time alone. My house seems covered in toys. He has 100 times more energy than I do, or even wish to have. Plus, I feel like my husband and I don’t have anytime to be together without him. We are losing our identity as a couple, and I am losing my identity as myself.

I think this is why I focus so much on self-care and wellness topics–because I know that’s how to combat feelings like this. It is also harder to focus on self-care when taking care of someone else, especially someone as demanding of care as a young child. I try to remind myself that I will miss this connection and his dependence on me when he is a teenager and doesn’t talk to me anymore. I try to not wish away the times that I am living in for when he is more independent and I can do more of my own thing.

I don’t have any solutions for this, except to keep taking my own advice, and to not put unnecessary pressure on myself to do or be anything than who I am. It’s scary to put this post out, but I see so many posts on social media that make parenting seem like such a blessing and beautiful. It is a blessing and it is beautiful, but it’s also hard, and I don’t always like it very much.